To the present me

Lately I’ve been surrounded by proof that by achieving your goals, loneliness does not automatically fade.

I’ve been pursuing so much for so long, hoping that once I’ve achieved those things, I will be happy.

Hoping once I’ve reached those goals, I could feel worthy.

But yet, as I slowly start making dreams into reality, I feel forced to acknowledge, this is not the cure I’d hoped it be.

Becoming successful won’t make me happier.

It won’t teach me to trust.

In fact, it’s the opposite,

I trust less, I keep more to myself.

I have to face that though success is the goal, it’s not the be all be all I’d hoped it would be.

It won’t cure my depression or my need to be a people pleaser.

I have to accept that losing weight won’t make that negative voice in my head disappear because she will find something else to pick me apart on

I have to accept that achieving the things I’ve written on my to-do list won’t help me suddenly learn to trust again or learn to love for the first time.

What will? I’ve heard self love is powerful. Maybe it’s time I start learning to love the before and stop treating the me now as less than, while I work to achieve the after.

It’s time to love the me now and be grateful for this version of me as I work on becoming the person I want to be

It’s time I embrace the woman that I am instead of the constant waiting for the woman I will be.

It's time for me to learn to appreciate the present and to stop rushing the future.

It's time for me to stop wishing for the future to get here faster.