Learning to forgive

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

-Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is hard. Harder still when the wounds are still open. I’ve been taught to forgive because hatred is a burden. Just let it go so that I myself can heal. Sounds easy right? Who wouldn’t want to be free of pain? Of the emotional turmoil that can make you question your sanity? Who wouldn’t want to be at peace?

Except, letting go is not easy. When you trust someone and you let them in, only to have them shatter your trust, the hurt you have to overcome in order to forgive can seem insurmountable. What I’ve learned through that process is, it is ok to cry. Just because that person hurts you, doesn’t mean that you have to act strong and have everything in your life be ok. It DOES HURT. And crying doesn't make you weak, or somehow gives that person power over you. It's just a way to let out the hurt.

However, something that I've found have helped me is knowing that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean letting that person back into your life or trusting them again. But, if you feel like that's what best for you, there’s also nothing wrong with that.

Forgiving someone whom you trusted who ended up breaking that trust means that, you’ve forgiven them for failing you. It means that you’re taking back the power to heal and to trust again. That you're taking back the power to believe in someone else again.

That's not to say it's an easy process. I'm not sure it should be. Just remember to keep yourself open. Losing the ability to trust only hurts you in the end. Regaining your ability to trust is the best revenge you have against the cruelest of betrayals.

So, to everyone out there who's been hurt by a loved one, whether it was a family member, a friend, a partner, or whoever it was, I hope you can find the strength within you to forgive them and say goodbye, or if you'd prefer, to reconnect.

Life goes on

"In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life, it goes on”.

-Robert Frost

You wake up one day, something happens, and your whole world implodes. As human beings, the first step is to panic. Panic then leads to depression and you start a vicious cycle that is hard to get out of. I mean, there is another option, you do all the above, except for the last one. You don’t stay down.

You get backup and you fight. Yes, you have been dealt a hard blow, but why should you let everything else that you have worked for go down the drain because of one moment. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, probably one of the hardest things you may have to do. Timelines may change, dreams might need to be reshaped, but don’t give up. As Robert Frost once said, “In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life, it goes on”. Don’t let your life stall. No matter the pain, the heartbreak, the heartache, the surprises, or the horrors, life goes on. Make yours go on the way you want it to.

I heard somewhere that hope can be the cruelest thing to ever exist. In a way, I agree. However, that doesn’t mean for us to not have hope. Hope is needed. We may get disappointed when what we hope for doesn’t come true, but f we don’t hope at all, what kind of life are we living? Things might not turn out the way we want, but the hope is what keeps us going. Why give up before we even start? To save ourselves from the pain of disappointment. Isn’t the not knowing, what could have happened, its own kind of pain and misery? As someone once said, hope stands for hold on, pain ends. So, keep on hoping. Above all, keep on getting back up, fighting and dreaming!

The Power of Words

“You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Believe it and never let insecurity run your life.”

-Thema Bryant-Davis

Affirmations, things, if you’re like me, you try to tell yourself. Feeling that if you think it, or speak it out loud often enough, you’ll start to feel it. Take the quote above, for example, it’s one of my favorites. Why? Because it’s everything I want to feel about myself. However, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, insecurities can be crippling. But that’s ok, it does not make us weaker to have a day where we just feel down. Take today for example, I’m starting a new job. I got up early and made myself look nice. However, here I am, sitting down to write this, and the self-doubts just won’t stop. It’s like a soundtrack in my head pointing out every single flaw that I see in myself.

It would be easy to just give in to the depressing voice, but I believe that those are the moments that shape us. Every time that voice rears its ugly head, we squash it. I believe that feeling beautiful, inside and out is not just about appearance or deeds. It’s about waking up every morning, and when you look in the mirror, instead of seeing what you think is wrong with you, you see the strong person that you are turning out to be. Those are the victories that you give to yourself.

Whether it be because life forced you to be strong, or you make that decision; we all have an innate strength that no one can take from us. Don’t be a victim of our insecurities; fight them! No matter what happened, happens, or will happen, do not be a victim of circumstance. You are whatever you want to be. Be a fighter! Be a survivor! Be an inspiration! Be a legend! Be you!